A Sheltered Life Chapter Five

THE INCIDENTOn October 28th, 2011 at 5:35PM while walking back from the dining room, I noticed that there were children in the computer room. I turned and went to the manager's window where several staff members were in attendance. (out of respect for the staff I will not divulge any names but THEY know who they are and I know who they are and that's all that matters).One of the resident's (names also withheld) was in a "discussion" with a staffer about refusing (staffers words)to sign a document while the resident was firmly stating that she was not refusing to sign but would like to speak to her caseworker about it first as was her right. Another resident was also at the window waiting to ask for laundry detergent.I asked if we were allowed to use the computer room, but was defered by a frazzled staffer,who finally found a moment from the chaos that a house full of fractured women can manifest, to the child counselor. When I asked where I could find this person (hint hint) I was directed back to the computer lab. I stated that no adults were in the pc lab with the kids and I received a shrug, a shake of the head and big round eyes from the staff.That's when another resident said I'd find him outside and instead of waiting for the rest of her sentence took off for the only logical place and that was the door to the courtyard. (1) I called for this person and didn't find him where I thought he could and should, I assumed, be. I headed back down the hall again and passing the pc lab that still had NO adult in it except a mom who had no child in attendance, I felt the need to take pics on my cell phone. Well, this distressed the mom and she asked why I was taking her picture, oh the arrogance of some people, to which I replied that I was taking pics of an unattended group of children in the pc lab doing questionable things on the internet.I then headed back to the manager's office and was told, once again, by the same resident from earlier, that the counselor was outside on the dock. I did indeed find this person, sitting in a chair having a cigarette and talking to another staffer who was working beside him.I asked if I too could use the pc lab since other adults were in there and was told no with the shake of the head as well as verbally. Then I took his pic as well. (I'm a little stinker)Well, that action definitely made him jump out of his seat and he then pursued me down the hall where I went left to the main lobby. I first checked the caseworkers appointment book but didn't find any open slot pages so I grabbed the legal advocates appointment book instead. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing but I had made a conscientious decision to speak with someone about this situation. Something about the way he freaked out and the way he came after me really had my senses on full alert. I had this feeling that there was going to be a fullblown confrontation over this and I wanted my rights protected and my side of the story heard.As I came back into the living quarters and was turning the corner to go to my room and write it down and calm down, I came face to face with the man in the pic followed by this little bitty woman on staff trying her hardest to look stern. They asked me if I was who I am and to follow them to the little room next to the manager's office.And then the "confrontation" began. "Why did you take my picture? was the demand while he stood there with his feet slightly spread apart and his arms crossed over his chest, hands tucked into his armpits.(2)I asked him what he was worried about. Then little bitty staffer said that taking pics was not allowed. This man repeated the same such statement, but made the mistake of saying that it's the RULES(that's a flag for someone like me because I'm gonna want the proof of such statements). I asked both of them to produce these rules since I've been here since the 5th of October and this was the first I'd heard of such a thing.Little bitty woman staffer tried some diatribe about everone knowing the pictures were not allowed and I told her that I don't do unwriten rules or gray areas and that I want proof of these RULES and suggested she run along and find them for me. The man staffer said they were in my intake folder at which point I told him that it most definitely was not "babe" and that I could prove my statement could he? Note to self, Never call an angry man Babe! Well his hands dropped to his side, clinched and he has moved to withing twelve inches on my personal space. He stomps off with little bitty staffer following him almost like a planet caught in orbit around the sun.Not having been given a saticfactory answer, I left the little room and went to my locker to retrieve my intake folder. I've read this folder over and over before but what if I had possibly missed something about pictures. Taking the folder out,I held it up in front of the security camera in the hallway. After that whole, what I would call, act of intimidation, I was now on full defence mode and knowing that they were watching my every move, when they should have been watching his, I was quicly moving into the anger zone.I made it a point to sit on the pew by the camera and search every piece of paper in my folder. I found no evidence of a writen rule regarding the taking of pictures. I held up my folder, looked at the camera and shook my head back and forth and then took my folder to my room to further dissect it. How this had become about me taking pics instead of why this man was not in the pc lab is beyond me but then I had moved on to defending myself.When I searched the folder and still found nothing, I started to write in my spiral notebook. I wanted to capture it all on paper while it was still fresh and writing helps me stay calm.That's when the first knock (1) came and this new staffer entered my room uninvited and asked me if I was who I am. She said she would like me to come to her office please, to which I replied that I was writing the incident down and would join her when I was done. I kept on writing, my pen was flying,.A short time later there was another knock (2). They had sent a staffer that I am very fond of to come for me and she had entered so quietly and so politely that I was totally unaware that she had gotten that close during my writing in the zone state of mind. She assured me that it would not be necessary, as I had asked her if I was being thrown out, for me to bring what little I had with me as I was most definitely NOT being thrown out and that it was all going to be okay. I couldn't stop grabbing my things and putting them down and I didn't want to stop writing. I chose to bring my purse and my cell phone and followed her down the hall to the lobby and into the previous knocker's office. Then my calming staffer left me there with the two of them, the angry man and the indifferent casemanager. And on the speaker phone was THE Director.It was quite a discussion and I will not divulge it all, really can't do that. But I did stand up for what was my right, get her to state the unwriten rules of pics in a shelter and exacted a promise involving staking her job on it, to which I will fully hold her too, oh yeah!! I made it a point to let her know the reason for the pictures to begin with, deleted said pics as they were no longer needed, agreed to let the violation of my civil rights slide while proving to the angry man and the truly honest and sincere, not indifferent so don't assume, casemanager that they were gone and that they had better like pics of trees (another project in the works). I told her that I would indeed be contacting the person who took my pictures at a certain event here to let her know about a release form. THE Director said she would reiterate the picture rule to all the residents ( not happened yet). I also let her know that I most certainly was not feeling the trust here and that her staff had treated me very badly and that her patronizing apology most certainly had come too late.This bizarre meeting concluded, I was handed a piece of paper with a phone number on it and as I left I watched the angry man get handed the phone( hope you like your ass being handed to you via speaker phone).I shall not post the two and a half pages of questions that went through my head at the time this all occured but it will say this:I don't feel that all the staff here is indifferent. I don't feel that all of the shelter staff is just here doing a job. But I do feel that the residents here, having fled an abuser, should not be subjected to the bullies, thieves, sexual predators (be they on the staff or one of the ladies here) that I have personally observed since coming into the fold here. I thank my lucky stars, the lord above, Officer Tyler and Perez :), and all those people along the way for opening my eyes and giving me the courage to break away from my old life.I have no fear of my abuser finding me, but after watching one of the women here start to tremble at the sight of a strange man inthe hallway and watching fear transform her body language into the "flight" mode I've come to the conclusion that some of the staff here could use a bit more training and/or retraining on how to deal with the emotional distress that I witness firsthand, that I felt that day at the hands of STAFF and although I have the courage to state my case and stand my ground, OTHERS DO NOT!If you speak to these women and actively listen to the words and phrases they recite, if you asked yourself why they submit so many complaints and sifted through these threads for a source instead of telling them that they collect or exaggerate, stopped yourself from thinking "here we go again", then you might uncover a grain a truth in all of it.It's virtually impossible to fix all that is bothersome, but you did set the rules and standards so it is up to you to find a way to enforce these things and to be consistant.We, all the residents here, are countying on you to make things run smoothly and to keep this a safe place. But if you get the same broken toy handed to you everytime a problem arises, well then hey, don't be even more surprised when that broken toy is handed back to you even more damaged.