ClinicalConnection.com Clinical Trials
Well, here we are in 2012 and so far it's kinda boring. I have no job and no guarantee of getting a job. And if I do get a job, how long will I keep the job before I get BORED and piss on it. I have outside influences telling me that it's my mental condition that makes me say and do the things I do AND YET these same outside influences are at a complete disagreement as to just what my mental condition is or what label to apply to said mental condition.
Look, I am a moody fucking bitch okay. I get sad. I get happy. Some days I feel like going outside and somedays I want to stay inside and play video games all day. Some days I watch an entire season of whatever show or subject takes my fancy and then I sleep until I've had enough of that, meaning in about four and half hours I wake up and start all over again. Sometimes I start a project that is in my head and must be put to paper or painted, sewed or created. I say this makes me creative and imaginative. A boss only kills that and I don't have enough money to do whatever I really want whenever I want, being jobless does that.
But a job means being a slave to someone...a freakin' slave. A boss makes me a slave owner...ewwww!! I can follow rules up to a point. Then it gets complicated. My headgears start to turn and then they get all rusty and noisy and loud and sparks start to fly and well, it ain't pretty.
I'm not lazy, just inspired at random weird times. I could be lazy but then I feel guilty and have to run about picking up and cleaning and straightening and justifying and, see there goes that weird headgear grinding stuff. Do you know what it's like to make sure all the ducks are in a row BEFORE you go out the door, even if only for a few hours, say from 8 am to 2 pm roundtrip by way of bus. And that's just to cover two appointments, one of which will be AT the place you just left at 8 am?I'm sorry, did I just lose you? That my friends is what i"m talkin' about. I get my head wrapped around a slice of bacon and take this whole journey into the land of wow in just a split second.
That is what it's like in my head. If I am being used as a channel for my subconscious thought, then I would ask the subconscious to be a little clearer please and channel only one thought process at a time. My mind can handle multiple processes but my hand can only do one process successfully to completion. Otherwise I find myself surrounded by incompleteness and that just drives me to distraction.
It's irritating to have all this great stuff in my head and not have the means to do with it what I was clearly meant to do. I am not a writer or a painter or a musician. I merely like to read and sometimes write, I love to see art and sometimes draw and paint, and I love to dance but can't sing or compose music. All I know is what I like.
People make money doing what I love, but not me. I am not a movie critic, I damn sure am not Oprah, and I don't have talk radio shows like that idiot Stern. Actually he's brilliant because he managed to bring the camera into the radio station by flashing tits and talking about sex all the time.
That just leads me into what I've always known and said, which is that this is a man's world. It was not created for men by a male entity. Come on, women were not an afterthought just to keep Adam from fucking sheep. It's true. And stating that women were created from man is to me the same as saying
Adam fucks himself because there is no one out there more worthy than he is to himself.
Even the word woman suggests equal billing. I know what you're thinking, man is she gonna burn in hell!! Well, you're wrong about that because Jesus died for me too, that's right, he died for my lowly womans' ass so nah nah nah nah naaaah!!!
You thought only men were going to inherit the earth, yeah right!!! We are one, man and woman, ONE CREATION split into two halves. I just know Adam saw all those baby critters being born and said OH HELL NO, I'm not doing that, so woman took on the job because she knew it was an honor, a gift. Besides, God knew what he was doing, sorta. I mean he created another mate for
Adam, this woman who was created on equal ground, haha, not from Adam's rib, but she didn't work out, did Lilith. Why, because she refused to take Adam's shit and that made her the first ever Woman's Rights advocate in my book. Who gives a woman to a man, I mean really. What the hell kind of thinking do men give My God credit for. Old Testament to New Testament, it is still a MAN writing down their interpretations of what is being amplified into their tiny little brains from an omnipotent being and as men they STILL managed to slip in that whole man is better than women mentality that still runs this fucked up world today.
Enough of this subject for me. I can go on and on about it, such as fashion being decided by male sadist throughout history, or why does a man decide what is beautiful in the women depicted in the art culture? And worst of all is why we as women allow ourselves to be groomed to accept these ridiculous male notions. Stupids!! Do I hate men? Fuck yeah!! Do I love men? Fuck yeah!!
