A Sheltered Life Chapter 13

CLASH, BANG, BA-DA-BOOM

Let us talk about Ms. Bobbi Payne and I, shall we, hahaha. Ahem..to say that I hate this person is misleading. She's probably a nice person to those who are her family and "friends". She appears to be a normal, intelligent woman. I don't understand the two toned hair coloring but that's just my take on ALL multi-colored hair. I mean PICK A COLOR already, sheesh. With the exception of gray, or is it grey, oh whatever, it's just not natural. It should never be permanent and it should be natural colors as opposed to pink, blue, green, etc. I did mention that I'm a bit anal retentive (1) right? Or is it obsessive compulsive? (2) No wait it's bipolar...DANGIT now I have to look them up and add the definitions. Either way I feel the need to fix it because it doesn't look right. Okay WHATEVER!

Now let's see, where was I, oh yeah, she's probably a nice person really. She just has a few flaws just me and you. She's been treated badly and had to struggle to survive. At least that's what the blog about her said...the one by Mr. Charles Arriaga, INCITEBLOGGER,http://inciteblogger.blogspot.com/2011/08/bobbi-payne-director-of-residential.htm).

I especially found the part about the new kittens interesting (Chapter Six THE RIPPLES, Chapter Eight REAPING THE SOWN) and here it is for your amusement:

Friday, August 12, 2011

Bobbi Payne Director of Residential Services for the BWCS

Bobbi Payne

Director of Residential Services for the BWCS

By Charles Arriaga, Incite Blogger

While waiting to interview Bobbi Payne, Director of Residential Services for the Battered Women and Children’s Shelter (BWCS), the receptionist Lourdes, was so excited about a mother cat that had just given birth to her kittens. It was a sign of a new life that signaled a new beginning at a facility designed just for that purpose.

Yes, I am going to go off subject on this one, HELL YEAH!! So Read ON:

Toxoplasmosis (tox-oh-plaz-moh-sis) is an infection caused by a tiny parasite called Toxoplasma gondii. It lives in the intestines of animals such as cats and pigs.

You can get toxoplasmosis in the following ways:

• By swallowing the parasite in cat litter or dirt that has cat droppings in it. This can happen if you put your hands to your mouth after gardening,cleaning a cat litter box or touching anything that has been in contact with cat droppings. Cats sometimes carry the parasite that causes toxoplasmosis, especially if they hunt animals or are fed raw meat. (Playgrounds and smoking areas, UM HMMM!)
• By eating raw or undercooked meat, especially pork, lamb or wild game.
• By touching something, such as a cutting board or dish, that has been in contact with raw or undercooked meat and then putting your hands in or near your mouth.
• By eating unwashed raw fruits and vegetables, or drinking water with the parasite in it.

Most people have no symptoms because their immune system keeps the parasite from causing illness. Sometimes people who have toxoplasmosis experience flu-like symptoms, such as:

• Swollen lymph nodes
• Fatigue
• Headache
• Body aches
• Fever

In people who have a weak immune system, toxoplasmosis can cause serious medical problems, such as:

• Confusion
• Blurry vision
• Trouble with balance and coordination
• Seizures
• Problems with the lungs

Your immune system can become weak for a number of reasons. Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection leading to acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) can weaken the immune system. So can some kinds of cancer chemotherapy or medicines that are taken after an organ transplant.

If you become infected while pregnant, your unborn child may also become infected. Infected babies may not develop any disease, or they may become very ill, with serious damage to the brain and eyes.

If you have been infected previously (at least 6 to 9 months before your pregnancy) with toxoplasma, you will develop immunity to it. The infection will not be active when you become pregnant, and so there is rarely a risk to your baby.

Routine screening for toxoplasmosis is not recommended. However, if you are at risk for toxoplasmosis because you have a weak immune system, your doctor might want you to have a blood test.

Toxoplasmosis is usually treated with antibiotics.

Source:Congenital Toxoplasmosis by J Jones, M.D., M.P.H., A Lopez, M.H.S. and M Wilson, M.S. (American Family Physician May 15, 2003, http://www.aafp.org/afp/20030515/2131.html)

I have repeatedly written about Pregnant women and their children throughout these blogs. I have mentioned the smoking area and the pregnant women in them (5), with their children. The cats love to stay near the smoking area and some of the women love to pet and pamper them, AND FEED THEM. You can spot the chicken bones, dishes and cat bowls throughout the WHOLE playground/smoking/picnic area, THE WHOLE AREA!! There are bowls and cans of catfood as you come into the shelter. Note, It's not just cats eating from these bowls and dishes and cans. There are skunks, opossums, and raccoon there as well. People coming into the shelter first develop a cough, then sore throat, fever and aches. ALL newcomers develop these symptoms, which the clinic treats with amoxicillin and luden's cough drops. YEAH RIGHT. So you see why I HAVE A PROBLEM with the cats, the feces, the playground, and the pregnant women. Let's face it, kids will have touched their eyes, nose and mouth about a dozen times before you can get them to the sink to wash their hands, all the while on the way to the sink they have touched EVERYTHING. Which is why I carried Hand Sanitizer with me and still do. And can we say washing the hands like an obsessed person. And I wasn't the obsessive one in my group of four Birds. But we all carried something to keep our hands clean, always.

OKAY, back to where I started, again. Let me see, blah blah, nice person, blah blah cats, ah the blog by Mr. Arriaga. It's just that money and power corrupts. She rose from sadness to the possibility of greatness. But she misused this power. She used ti to literally shit all over a system that was designed to help others like herself rise above THEIR sadness, anger, hurt, distress, and reach the rungs of the ladder that leads upward and away from all of that. While helping hundreds of women and children along this path, She fed her flaws, her ego, her Id(4) with the knowledge that she could also destroy a persons hopes, if only for a little while. I say that because a strong person like me will only whimper a bit when you strike her and then reach for something to strike back. If you try to take away My voice, I'll resort to other means, such as writing. Either way, I am going to get my point across. Right now, it's writing that I do best. I can speak, but it isn't like writing, where you can edit things out or rearrange the words so that the English experts don't come and tap you on the shoulder and cry foul. But speech, on a spontaneous level, can't really be edited. First of all, what if someone walks away while you are in the middle of this spontaneous oral work and they get the wrong impression. Secondly, you look like a blithering idiot when you try to backstroke and delete in real time. Besides, my mouth seems to get me in trouble most of the time. But the written word also gets me in trouble too. Look what happened with Ms. Bobbi Payne and my written complaint. I have others you know, I just never turned them in at the manager's office. Let me share some of them with you here.

RESIDENT COMPLAINT ABOUT ANOTHER RESIDENT(S) (this heading always makes me laugh because it EXCLUDES the words THE STAFF, which indicates to me that the BWCS definitely, de- de-definitely did NOT want to hear the complaints in regards to themselves)

If you have a complaint or question about something that has occurred between you and another resident while you are staying at the Shelter, the first step is to talk to your case manager and/or use this form.

Please follow the steps below:

Your Name: Roberta K. Smith

Your Case Manager's Name: Analy Galvan

Details about the situation or concern: After the unfortunate incident that I was dragged through by the staff here on 10-28-11, I want to point out, again, that the real problem was still not addressed to my satisfaction, ie "unsupervised"/Non Custodial children in the PC Lab with NO STAFF MEMBER IN ATTENDANCE. It has happened repeatedly, I have witnessed it myself, it was verbally mentioned while the staff member was there during the "speaker phone" talk that I was DRAGGED to which involved Ms. Bobbi Payne.

Name(s) of the resident(s) involved: myself and staff and the resident's of BWCS

Date of the issue or dispute: 10-28-11

How would like to see this resolved? (not a typo, that is how the form appears, for real) I'm sure alot of the mother's here are upset with me for bringing "Victor" under the microscope but I would like you to assure that these children in the shelter are not left unsupervised. You need to also keep in mind that although some parents here are content to let their offspring blatantly break the rules and some even assist in the breaking of these rules, there are parents here who are diligent and act responsibly and they are, and their children are being left open for attacks, threats, and abuse at the hands of the irresponsible.

Your signature: Roberta K Smith Date: 10-29-11

Please fold and staple this form and give it directly to your case manager or slide it underneath the case manager's door to ensure your privacy. (It really states that)

Then there's this one.

RESIDENT COMPLAINT ABOUT ANOTHER RESIDENT(S)

If you have a complaint or question about something that has occurred between you and another resident while you are staying at the Shelter, the first step is to talk to your case manager and/or use this form.

Please follow the steps below:

Your Name: Roberta K., Smith

Your Case Manager's Name: Analy Galvan

Details about the situation or concern: please reference page 1 or 2 of the "Resident's Daily Living Agreement" numbers 4 and 5 specifically in regards to the children. The bold type in particular which I quote now verbatim:

#4 I will supervise my children at all times and remain aware of both their location and activities. (with the following excerpt there verbatim)I will not leave my child unattended in the dining room, children's building, children's TV room, courtyard, hallways, lobby area, or the front of the facility.

#5 I will have my children in our room by 8 p.m. daily.

(I said verbatim and I wrote as such)

Name(s) of the resident(s) involved: BWCS residents in total about 3% now residing here. I won't give you names but tapes are available for viewing by STAFF I believe and have so been told. So pick randomly and then roll forward to 8 pm on any given day.

Date of the issue or dispute: 10-5-11 to present

How would like to see this resolved? I would love to have some quiet time or adult time, as I used to say to my children when they were the ages of most of the children I see here, to speak freely without offending "little ears" with either colorful language or adult content. But I see that the above #4 and #5 guidelines have somehow become this mongrel version of "take them to the room and leave them there while I go to the dining room to hang out" or "bring them with me after 8:30 pm and since I'm there, the children aren't really unattended". It's a catch 22 and it's up to You, The Staff to rectify and reinforce this situation. I'm sure that many complaint have been filed just as I am sure there will be more in the future. My real concern is for the children tat are being left in the rooms alone and unsupervised and how it isn't fair for the irresponsible to dump their children on another Mom.

Your signature: Roberta K. Smith Date: 10-29-11

Please fold and staple this form and give it directly to your case manager or slide it underneath the case manager's door to ensure your privacy. (first of all there's a code key door to get to your case manager's office plus you have to go through Lourdes to get the door opened during the day AND you are encouraged to turn these little ditties in AT THE MANAGER'S OFFICE)

Or,

RESIDENT COMPLOAINTG ABOUT ANOTHER RESIDENT(S)

If you have a complaint or question about something that has occurred between you and another resident while you are staying at the Shelter, the first step is to talk to your case manager and/or use this form.

Please follow the steps below:

Your Name: Roberta K. Smith

Your Case Manager's Name: Analy Galvan

Details about the situration or concern: "In case of fire, strollers are not permitted in the dining area so we can ensure a safe evacuation if necessary." "En caso de incendio, carriolas no son permitidas en el comedor para asegurarnos do una evacuacion segura si es necesaria"(don't look at me, that's how the sign reads)

Also, why can't we sit outside on the patio in back of the dining room? The door is easy to get out of but then it locks so you can't get back in. And the light fixture is broken on the lamp post,.

Name(s) of the resident(s) involved:

Date of the issue or dispute: 10-5-11 to present

How would like to see this resolved? It's a catch 22. Some of these women have multiple children and they are not at the toddler stage yet so it's an engma.

As far as the patio, that's up to Staff, and also whether I feel like setting off the alarm (done that) and walking all the way back around to get back into the dining room (done that three times in one day just to see who was paying attention), which means hopping the fence that is sometimes unlocked and unchained by the way (ie, patio near back fence with barbeque grills on it)

Your signature: Roberta K. Smith Date: 10-29-11

Please fold and staple this form and give it directly to your case manager or slide it underneath the case manager's door to ensure your privacy.

Now, if you recall from Chapter five THE INCIDENT, it was Ms. Payne's suggestion to me that I slip my information regarding the who, what and where or certain individuals UNDER HER DOOR. So I am going to assume she had some part in the preparation of this complaint form OR she took her idea from the form itself.

Now, after October 28, 2011, I had planned to submit a landslide of these "complaints" but I got cramps in my hands so I stopped writing them after number twelve, yes I said twelve. One was so long, it became Chapter 5. I covered, clothing vouchers not being met, the laundry rooms and THE UNSUPERVISED children who break the washing machines, lovers who love in a room filled with children, the lack of any sort of News Source, why we have wifi and can't have laptops, why an item gets posted on the Calender in the hallway only to never take place. It was quite an exhaustive stack of paper. I still have blank ones as I may want to mail some to the FVPS, Inc. and I'm still thinking of picketing in front of the building just to gain attention to my blogs and what's not right with the shelter, the part no one seems to be interested in. It makes good copy and a good news story when there is a charity involved BUT NOT if there's a complaint or several complaints. It appears to me that no one really gives a flying fuck what the hell goes on inside the damned place as long as it looks OH SO GREAT on the news with the pretty little pictures of the Smiling Staff members and the Philanthropist of the Week all standing in front of the camera......Breathe. Just breathe in and out.

To say I get heated under the collar is an understatement. I get friggin; pissed is what I DO! I want to run up and down the damned streets with a bullhorn in my hand yelling false prophets and liars and sadists run the BWCS, that's what I want to do. And that is in fact what this is all about.

People like Payne are all so fake. They love attention and will hide all that is wrong, to the detriment of any individual who gets in the way. They don't really care about these people, they care about themselves and their own IMAGE. Mrs. Stubbs was right to tell Brian the You were trouble and to stay away from you Ms. Payne. Even nice people can be mean, but you even take that to a whole new level.

So sit back and pat yourself on that boney little back of yours, with your two toned her and your crappy Spanish. Keep refusing to face the messes you make and the promises you break. Keep spitting on people and setting them out on the street, with their kids. Keep taking credit for the works of sincerity that your staff bestows on the residents of that gorgeously fucked up shelter. Keep giving out false information and unwritten rules and keep cultivating that grey/gray area, that pit that you throw out there for lack of anything better to say. Keep practicing in front of the mirror with that smile on your face so it will reach the voice you use to spew your tripe. And I will always remember you fondly just the way I have written about you right here. If there is an example of The law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions (Edward Lorenz 1963 The Butterfly Effect and I thank you Ms. Analy Galvan) then let us agree to keep flapping those wings. Let us also agree that the ripples are still going, still spreading and if I have any say in the matter will stay on the net, on the web and on paper for all to see for eternity. it will certainly stay on my mind.

(1)anal retentive (Source:http://www.urbandictionary.com) A mild form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. A collection of very irritating personality traits that include stubbornness, orderliness, and a desire to control others and their surroundings. It makes a person meticulous or fixated about little things, nit-picking or paying extreme attention to detail, and trying to control his or her environment and other people. They do things “by the book’’ with no flexibility in the way they complete tasks, and expect others to do and think as they. It’s their way or the highway, basically. They are the worst people to work for or live with. My roommate is a good example. He irons his underwear because he doesn’t want the wrinkles, assuming people will see them or care. He always must have his room spotless in every detail, including making his bed to perfection before going to work. Before he puts dishes in the dishwasher, he washes them thoroughly, defeating his purpose for the dishwasher. And he must have the dishes in the washer sitting at a certain angle, for fear they wont get cleaned. He will also literally pick tiny particles from the living room carpet, before using the vacuum cleaner. Psychologists say that anally retentive people’s habits—often controlling—stem from lack of being breast fed as an infant. Basically, people who are anally retentive act like they have something up their butt. Instead, they need to see a psyciatrist. And if things don’t go their way, they go nuts! Anally retentive people are usually very annoying as a result and may have a hard time making and keeping friends. NOTE TO READERS, I laughed when I found this and absolutely felt the need to share it with you. I am not this bad but I do the bed making dish thing and I have absolutely no problem making and keeping friends, at least I don't think I do.

(2) obsessive compulsive disorder (Source:http://www.urbandictionary.com) Is a fairly common problem where people experience ‘obsessions’, recurring unwanted thoughts which are difficult to stop, and ‘compulsions’, rituals of checking behaviour or repetitive actions which are carried out in an attempt to relieve the thoughts.
Jocelyn has obsessive compulsive disorder, and checks the door 16 times to make sure it is locked. NOTE TO READERS, I most definitely am not this bad. The most I check something is two to four times, lol! No really!!

(3)bipolar disorder (Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com) AKA manic-depressive disorder. This is when a person gets really sad for some time, crying for no reason, contemplating suiceide, avoiding people, stuff like that. Then, one day it'll be over and they'll be all happy-go-crazy and stuff, buying a lot of stuff, turning promiscuous, and showing a general ecstacy and lack of foresight. This is a serious psychological disorder and should not be taken lightly. If you or a friend show signs of being bipolar seek help IMMEDIATELY! With proper support it is easy to treat. Example: Yo, when's Bipolar Bill gonna get out of his depressive phase? I dunno, but I sure hope he's manic by Friday. That party'll be so much more awesome with his wild and crazy side there. NOTE TO READERS, I was indeed a promiscuous young woman but I was fully aware of that fact and used it pretty much to my own purposes, bwahahahaha! Since the seven going on eight years of celibacy, including no masturbation, I KNOW RIGHT, I await the return of PROMISCUITY at this stage of my life. Wish me luck, lol!

(4)id, noun,in Freudian theory, the division of the psyche that is totally unconscious and serves as the source of instinctual impulses and demands for immediate satisfaction of primitive needs. NOTE TO READERS, I will forever see the id as presented in the movie "FORBIDDEN PLANET".

(5)http://www.ehow.com/about_4760956_effects-smoking-during-pregnancy.html, http://www.quitguide.com/effects-of-smoking-during-pregnancy.htm, http://www.medicinenet.com/smoking_during_pregnancy/article.htm

these are just to get you started!!

A Sheltered Life Chapter 12

HOW TO SEE THE RED IN A MASS OF BLACK AND BLUE


Ahem. While my stay at the shelter was brief, thanks Ms. Bobbi Payne for the closeminded, underhanded, sneaky, strangely perverse and narcissistic way in which you handle fractured people while deriving an unusual pleasure from other peoples' plights, BITCH, I heard this term bantered about conciderably. That would be the term "Red Flag". Don't know who came up with it but it stuck and was used as a warning sign, if you please, to an unhealthy relationship whether it was the one you were in, just escaped from or may be concidering. I will share some of the things learned at the shelter that EVERYBODY should absorb and pass along to generations to come. Keep in mind that a batterer knows no gender bias first. They tend to be males but some women tend to be 'males' too. Okay, here goes nothing and everything.Let's start with some definitions. I like them and feel that it saves on questions later. I am also anal retentive and obsessive so let me feed those beasties in me OKAY, lol!!

char·ac·ter·is·tic   /kar-ik-tuh-ris-tik adjective 1. Also, char·ac·ter·is·ti·cal. pertaining to, constituting, or indicating the character or peculiar quality of a person or thing; typical; distinctive: Red and gold are the characteristic colors of autumn. noun 2. a distinguishing feature or quality: Generosity is his chief characteristic. 3. Mathematics . a. the integral part of a common logarithm. Compare mantissa. b. the exponent of 10 in a number expressed in scientific notation. c. the smallest positive integer n such that each element of a given ring added to itself n times results in 0.

pat·tern   /pat-ern; Brit. pat-n noun 1. a decorative design, as for wallpaper, china, or textile fabrics, etc. 2. decoration or ornament having such a design. 3. a natural or chance marking, configuration, or design: patterns of frost on the window. 4. a distinctive style, model, or form: a new pattern of army helmet. 5. a combination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc., forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement: the behavior patterns of teenagers.

bound·a·ry   /boun-duh-ree, -dree noun, plural -ries. 1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line. 2. Also called frontier. Mathematics . the collection of all points of a given set having the property that every neighborhood of each point contains points in the set and in the complement of the set. 3. Cricket . a hit in which the ball reaches or crosses the boundary line of the field on one or more bounces, counting four runs for the batsman.

bat·ter·er   /bat-er-er noun 1. a person or thing that batters. 2. a person who inflicts violent physical abuse upon a child, spouse, or other person.

And now the main feature, sick back and buckle up.

CHARACTERISTICS OF A BATTERER:
1. Feels impotent and inadequate.
2. Acts in controlling ways to exert power and deny his/her own weakness.
3. DENIES the seriousness of violent behavior and minimizes it to self and others.
4. PROJECTS blame on the victim.
5. Views sex roles in rigid stereotypes.
6. Has low self-esteem.
7. Idealizes marriage. Ready to make commitment very quickly. Has unrealistic expectations and extreme dependence on spouse.
8. Often was a victim of child abuse.
9. Witnessed violence between parents or parental units.
10. Tends to abuse and or neglect children.
11. Seeks to maintain rigid family boundaries, as in Husband, wife and children against the world.
12. Has inadequate parental skills. Lacks knowledge of stages of child development and of ways to disciplining without violence.
13. Creates stress and conflict over parental roles.
14. Has poor communications skills. Has difficulty in identifying and appropriately expressing emotions other than anger.
15. Is socially and emotionally isolated and withdrawn.
16. Is dependent and possessive. Fears loss of relationship. Fears reinforce self-doubt. Feels anger, even rage, at having to be so dependent.

SIGNS TO LOOK FOR IN A BATTERING PERSONALITY (Source: Project for Victims of Family Violence. Fayetteville, Arkansas.)Many women are interested in ways that they can predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who will be physically abusive. Usually battering occurs between a man and a woman, but lesbians can be batterd too. Below are a list of behaviors that are seen in pople who beat their girlfriends or wives; the last four signs listed are battering., but many women don't realize this is the beginning of physical abuse. If the person has several of the other behaviors (say three or more) there is a strong potential for physical violence. The more signs a person has, the more likely the person is a batterer. In some cases, a batterer may have only a couple of behaviors that the woman can recognize, but they are very exaggerated (e.g. will try to explain his/her behavior as signs of his/her love and concern) and a woman may be flattered at first but as time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the woman.

SIGNS:

1. JEALOUSY: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love but jealousy has nothing to do with love. It's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. He/She will questions the partner about wo she talks to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of the time spent with family, friends and even children. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call their partner frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He/She may refuse to let the partner work for fear they will meet someone else, or even do strange behaviors such as checking car mileage or asking friends to be watchful of them.

2. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At the first, the batterer will say this behavior is because they are concerned for their partner's safety, their need to use their time well, or their need to make good decisions. They will be angry if their partner is late coming back from the store or an appointment and will question them closely about where they went and who they talked to. As this behavior gets worse, they may not let their partner make personal decisions about the house, clothing, going to church and they may keep all the money or even make their partner ask permission to leave the house or the room.

3. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged or living together. The abuser comes on like a whirlwind, claiming that "You're the only person I could ever talk to" or "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." They will pressure the woman to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the woman may feel very guilty, that she's letting them down just because she wants to slow down involvement or break up.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all of their needs. They expect the woman to be the perfect wife, mother, lover and friend. They will say things like "If you love me, I'm all you nee and You are all I need." The woman is supposed to take care of everything for them and in the home.

5. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If she has male friends she becomes a "whore". If she has female friends she becomes the "lesbian". If she is close to her family she's "tied to the apron strings". An abuser will accuse all of these outside supports of "causing trouble". The abuser will want to live in the country without a phone, a reliable car and may try to keep the woman from working or going to school.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS: If the abuser is chronically unemployed, for instance, someone is always doing them wrong or out to get them. They may make mistakes and then blame their partner for upsetting them and keeping them from concentrating on the work. They will tell ther woman that she is at fault for almost anything that goes wrong.

7. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS: They will tell the woman "you make me mad" or "you're hurting me by not doing what I want you to do", or "I can't help being angry". They really make the decision about what they think or feel but will use feelings to manipulate the woman. Harder to catch are claims that "you make me happy" or "you control how I feel."

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: An abuser is easily insulted and and claims their feelings are "hurt". What they really are is mad and takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. They will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened when things are really just part of living, like being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying or being asked to help with chores.

9. CRUELTY TO CHILDREN AND PETS: This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. This person may expect children to be capable for doing things beyond their ability, example-whips a two year old for wetting a diaper. Or they may tease children or siblings until they cry. Sixty percent of men who beat their partners also beat their children. They may not want the children to eat at the same table with them or expect the children to be kept in their room all evening while They are home.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: This kind of person may like to throw the woman down and hold her down during sex. He may want to act out fantasies during sex where the woman is "helpless". He is letting her know that the idea of "rape" is exciting to him. He may show little concern about whether the woman wants to have se and uses sulking or anger to manipulate her into compliance. He may start having sex with the woman while she is "sleeping" or demand sex when she is ILL, INJURED, or TIRED.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, this can be seen when the abuser degrades the woman, cursing her, running down any of her accomplishments. The abuser will tell the woman that she's stupid and unable to function without them. This may involve WAKING the woman up to verbally abuse her and not letting her go to sleep.

12. RIGID SEX ROLES: The abuser expects a woman to serve them, they may say the woman must stay at home. that she must obey in all things-even things that are criminal in nature. The abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

13. DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: Many women are confused by their abuser's "sudden" changes in mood. They may think the abuser hasw some special mental problem because one minute they're nice and the next they're exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics like hypersensitivity.

14. *PAST BATTERING: This person may say they have hit women in their pasts but that THEY MADE THEM DO IT. The woman may hear from relatives or ex's that the person is abusive. A batterer will beat any woman they are with if the woman is with them long enough for the violence to begin. Note that situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.

15. *THREATS OF VIOLENCE: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the woman such as "I'll slap you mouth off", "I'll kill you" or "I'll break your neck". Most people do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will try to excuse threats by saying "everybody talks like that".

16. *BREAKING OR SHATTERING OBJECTS: This behavior is used as a punishment but is mostly used to terrorize the woman into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with their fist, throw objects around or near the woman. Again, this is very remarkable behavior-not only is this a sign of extreme emotional immaturity, but there's a great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their mate.

17. *ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: This may involve a batterer holding a woman down, physically restraining her from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving. They may hold the woman against the wall and say "you are going to listen to me!"


It's alot to absorb and I bet your questioning your self and the relationships you've had, are having, will have. I know I do. I can't help but think about past, present and future relationships. Once a person reaches the conclusion that I did and leaves a relationship rather that continue the madness...well, you know, :)

I want to wrap it up by giving you more signs to follow, more red flags to spot. WHY? Because all of us, each and every man, woman and child has a right to protect and defend ourselves. We have a duty to take responsibility for how we treat and ALLOW ourselves to be treated. WE, all of US need to learn how and when to tell people they are acting in unacceptable ways. We all need to be honest and open, first with ourselves, then with others. And we do this by COMMUNICATING.

WHAT NOT TO DO:
Entering a person's personal space such as bedroom, bathroom, office, email, mail, briefcase, purse etc. WITHOUT PERMISSION!

Touching, or getting close to a person or their property WITHOUT PERMISSION!

Following or Stalking someone.

Demanding others respect your time and energy while not having the same respect for theirs.

Eavesdropping on private conversations.

Exposing others to a contagious disease.

Withholding important information such as rules, regulations, health care conditions, etc.

Sharing personal or private information such as financial status, religious beliefs, etc.

Refusing to participate in safe sex practices.

Harassment of any kind based on sex, race, religion, culture, gender, age, ability, etc.

Physical and or sexual abuse of any kind.

Denying or challenging someone's right to choice or feeling.

Verbal abuse in its many forms such as yelling, ridicule, sarcasm (Oh no, not that), labeling, threatening looks or language, intimidation, insults, impatience, false allegations.

Snobbery and patronizing behavior.

Using peer pressure or covert behavior to get one's way.

Refusing to accept responsibility for one's own errors, lies or behaviors through lack of acknowledgement or apology.

Lying, dishonesty, telling partial truths, "spinning" facts to create a false impression.

Negative control techniques such as sarcasm (I'm sunk), shaming (Dangit), name calling, retaliation (Well now I'm going to hell), chronic lateness, jealousy, self-victimization.

Reinforcing or supporting another's self-limiting beliefs and behaviors for power or control.

Denying an individual's right to voice or choice (Which sent me to the blogs and tweets).

Enabling rather than empowering. (It's getting hot in here)

Expecting or demanding differing levels of accountability based on sex, race, religion, culture, nationality, gender, etc. (Looks like I'll have some company)

All kidding aside, I want you to practice saying the following until it flows off the tongue and past the lips, especially if you find yourself in a defensive situation and there's been blows:

If you ever hit me, I'll call the police and press charges and I will leave this relationship. If you continue to threaten me, I will get a restraining order and prepare to defend myself in whatever manner is necesary.

And remember this, if you aren't living the life you want, then whose life are you living? Now I close with one of my favorite quotes:

"The basis of world peace is the teaching which runs through almost all the great religions of the world. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Christ, some of the other great Jewish teachers, Buddha, all preached it. Their followers forgot it. What is the trouble between capital and labor, what is the trouble in many of our communities, but rather a universal forgetting that this teaching is one of our first obligations." -Eleanor Roosevelt

A Sheltered Life Chapter 11

WHAT DOES SHELTERED MEAN

shelter verb
shel·tered shel·ter·ing
Definition of SHELTER
transitive verb
1: to constitute or provide a shelter for : protect Most parents want to shelter their children from pain and sadness.to prevent their children from experiencing pain and sadness
2: to place under shelter or protection to be in a place that provides protection from danger, bad weather, etc.
3: to protect (income) from taxation
intransitive verb: to take shelter

Synonyms cloistered, covert, hidden, isolated, quiet, remote, retired, secret, sheltered

Related Words lone, lonely, lonesome, reclusive, solitary; private

En Espanol por favor:

"refugio verbo\nshel · cados shel · ter · ING\nDefinición de REFUGIO\nverbo transitivo\n1: la constitución o proporcionar un refugio para: proteger \x3chas llevó un abrigo life\x3e mayoría de los padres quieren proteger a sus hijos del dolor y sadness.to evitar que sus hijos experimentan dolor y la tristeza\n2: para colocar debajo de refugio o protección \x3csheltered sí mismo en una cave\x3e montaña para estar en un lugar que ofrece protección contra el peligro, el mal tiempo, etc\n3: para proteger (ingresos) de los impuestos\nintransitivo el verbo: a refugiarse\n\nSinónimos de clausura, encubierto, oculto, alejado, calma, a distancia, se retiró, el secreto, al abrigo\n\nPalabras relacionadas solitario, solo, solitario, solitario, solitario, privado"

Latin version:

"Integer verb\nter · · · tered shel shel ing\nDefinition of UMBRA\ntransitiva verb\nI: constituere aut parare umbraculum for: ducere volo protego \x3chas life\x3e Most parentes liberos Aenean egestas dolor et dolor et tristitia sadness.to experitur ne liberos\nII: ad manendum sub tutela aut in montem cave\x3e \x3csheltered se esse in loco sit praesidio ex periculo tempestas, etc\nIII: praesidio (vectigal) a tributis\nintransitive verb: ad manendum\n\nSynonyms inclusarum, umbraculum occulta semotus, quies, remote recessisset abscondito latebrae\n\nRelated Words SOLUS, solitarios, lonesome, reclusive, solitarius, privatus"

And now in Geek just because I can and because I am:


00100010 01001001 01101110 01110100 01100101 01100111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01100010 01011100 01101110 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 10110111 00100000 10110111 00100000 10110111 00100000 01110100 01100101 01110010 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 01101100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 01101100 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100111 01011100 01101110 01000100 01100101 01100110 01101001 01101110 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01010101 01001101 01000010 01010010 01000001 01011100 01101110 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01101001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100001 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01100010 01011100 01101110 01001001 00111010 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01110011 01110100 01101001 01110100 01110101 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110000 01100001 01110010 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110101 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01101001 01101110 00100000 01101100 01101111 01100011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110000 01110010 01100001 01100101 01110011 01101001 01100100 01101001 01101111 00100000 01100101 01111000 00100000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01101001 01100011 01110101 01101100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01100101 01101101 01110000 01100101 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110011 00101100 00100000 01100101 01110100 01100011 01011100 01101110 01001001 01001001 01001001 00111010 00100000 01110000 01110010 01100001 01100101 01110011 01101001 01100100 01101001 01101111 00100000 00101000 01110110 01100101 01100011 01110100 01101001 01100111 01100001 01101100 00101001 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100010 01110101 01110100 01101001 01110011 01011100 01101110 01101001 01101110 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01101001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01100010 00111010 00100000 01100001 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101110 01100101 01101110 01100100 01110101 01101101 01011100 01101110 01011100 01101110 01010011 01111001 01101110 01101111 01101110 01111001 01101101 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100011 01101100 01110101 01110011 01100001 01110010 01110101 01101101 00101100 00100000 01110101 01101101 01100010 01110010 01100001 01100011 01110101 01101100 01110101 01101101 00100000 01101111 01100011 01100011 01110101 01101100 01110100 01100001 00100000 01110011 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01110101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110001 01110101 01101001 01100101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110010 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100011 01100101 01110011 01110011 01101001 01110011 01110011 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01100010 01110011 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100100 01101001 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100010 01110010 01100001 01100101 01011100 01101110 01011100 01101110 01010010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01010111 01101111 01110010 01100100 01110011 00100000 01010011 01001111 01001100 01010101 01010011 00101100 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101100 01101001 01110100 01100001 01110010 01101001 01101111 01110011 00101100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100101 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100011 01101100 01110101 01110011 01101001 01110110 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101100 01101001 01110100 01100001 01110010 01101001 01110101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101001 01110110 01100001 01110100 01110101 01110011 00100010 (look for an encoder decoder on the web if you dare but it's just going to give you the above Latin version, really. or you can use this site http://www.convertbinary

I believe I was sheltered most of my life. My Mom hid from us when she was battered. We tended to stay in the backyard and play only with each other, but then again there were so many of us there really wasn't a need to go elsewhere because we were both sides to a team, lol. Also because my older sister used to lock all us younger kids out of the house, tell us not to leave the yard and then not let us back in the house until right before Mom came home. This was done while my Dad was on his usual military tour (see Chapter 3 The Real Victims) after the newest kid was born. Yes, I know, I'm so rudely frank about things. Isn't it fun> We didn't bring other kids home until we were in our teens. And we very rarely spent the night at other kids' homes.

And SECRETS, oh yeah there were secrets. Imagine being twelve and finding out you have a seventeen year old sister who looks just like you. Then again, at thirty, finding out you have another sister who's even older than the one you found at twelve. Head twisters. Then throw in the high heel shoes in the back of the family station wagon, THAT don't belong to your Mom. What about being asleep in your parents' bed and waking up to see a soldier at the end of that bed who looks like your Dad, falling back to sleep then waking up and he's gone and all you get told is your Uncle was here but had to report to duty. NO, He didn't do anything to us, He just watched us sleep. Seems we reminded him of his sister and his Mom, our Grandmother.

Never met either of My Grandmothers. Not a one. Relatives from the maternal and paternal side of the family DID NOT come to visit us. If they wrote, it was only to the parental units. I was in my thirties before I started writing to my cousin Susie, Susie Q was her nickname. And then she died in an auto accident. That was it, a phone conversation and a letter. I didn't meet my gorgeous niece Charity until my Dad died. I never met Melissa or James but I found them on facebook and so many others and will never let them go, not ever. I have so many family members on my networks and the network web just keeps growing and growing and growing. Seems that all of us were denied access to some of us and as adults, we DECIDED that that just won't do.

We, The Mainland Branches of the family have reached across the Pacific and found the maternal family, those cousins who were just as curious about us as we were about them, once we knew each other existed that is. Oh, there were pictures but kids don't care about pictures and as you grow older you push that aside and live the life your in.

I would have liked to have known these cousins as we all grew up. I still want to learn the Hula. I want to teach them the Cotton Eyed Joe, although I am really really rusty. I must find me a Cowboy soon and do some line dancing. As it is now I'm working on a certain Journeyman named John. Oh Behave!!

What I'm trying to tell you is that decisions were made regarding our upbringing and who we were going to share it with, without our consent. Hell most of us didn't even exist when the decisions were made so that means years in the dark before conception and then after. Blah, this is too much to wrap a noodle around. I even discovered sex while playing doctor at home. Not knowing that these things were, in some ways incorrect, the exploration continued outside the family unit.
Man, when I graduated from High School, I experimented with sex beyond kissing, heavy petting, second base and hickies. Way beyond all that!!! Bad Girls are so fun. My only regret was that Gary Rogers was not at hand. Hi Gary, loved kissing you so much in High School. The point is, if I had had a normal environment and examples, not a crazy sister with paranoid schizophrenia who heard she was a product of rape during a fight between the parents, things could have been much different.
I drank because the Dad drank. I smoked because the Parents smoked. I fought because....well you get the picture, I hope.

Anyway, Ms. Galvan, again, mentioned Locus of Control at my last session of Fighting Domestic Violence class and I just had to research it of course. It is a theory mind you, like Darwinism. Julian Rotter first introduced it in the 1950's. I was born in the fifties! Okay I'll stop being acerbic, maybe. But if I've got the gist of it, it refers to a person's basic belief system about the influences that affect outcomes in their lives. There are two types or classifications of people in the theory, the internal and external locus of control. Internal Good. External Bad. Internal, mostly males, or older more seasoned males and females, tend to be successful. People with an internal locus of control believe that they are primarily responsible for the outcomes in their lives. These people tend to be self-reliant and believe that nothing can hold them back except themselves.

Whereas those with an external locus of control believe that outside forces affect their ability to succeed. They tend to stake their future on things such as fate, luck, god or society. Because they believe they have very little personal stake in their future, they tend to put less effort forward on most projects. thus they are generally less successful in fields of education and career than those with an internal locus of control.

Source: www.thewisegeek.com Written By: Josie Myers, Edited By: Bronwyn Harris
Copyright Protected: 2003-2011 Conjecture Corporation

I started out at one end of this spectrum and now travel the other end. As for successful, I feel that I have successfully traveled through quite a bit of violence and abuse and am now ready to stand up not only for my rights but rights of anyone who shares the same afflictions, especially children. I have always felt that children aren't given a fair shake, deal, advantage in this cruel world. After my shelter experience, it is an even firmer belief.

I'm going to give you a web address where you can take a variations of Rotter's questionnaire. No cheating, you only rob yourself and shame shame isk tsk!!

http://faculty.darden.virginia.edu/clawsonj/COURSES/PCAP/OB-786%20D4%20Locus%20of%20Control.pdf

And just because you'll want to know and because I like to brag, I scored an 85. I must research grandiosity, I'm sure it applies to me. I'm getting hungry and that salad I had earlier is no longer sustaining me. I'm gonna go wander around this here mall and see what all the music is about.

A Sheltered Life Chapter 10

A DUMMIES GUIDE TO SHELTER LIFE OR DON'T BE THAT GUY!

I mentioned in passing during a comedy filled discussion with the KNB's that there was no handbook for communal living. I said I would be open to taking suggestions from the residents in that regard and that they could slip these suggestions into my locker. I would then form a panel and we would discuss how best to handle these given situations. Of course I did say that each solution would have to be taken as the comedic antidote that it would no doubt be conveyed but that there would still have to be a grain of seriousness involved. Hmmmm...a handbook or Dummies Guide for Communal Life was one title. Another was Shelter Rules, the ABC's of Communal Living. There was also How to Live with Dozens. It went on for quite some time and the laughter had some of us wetting pants or clinching our sides, tears rolling down our cheeks. At this point we had an entire mob offering suggestions as to title and contents and were thoroughly enjoying the moment.
One of the most important contents of the Dummies Guide, it was a mass agreement, was the inclusion of The Serenity Prayer. This beautiful prayer was written by renowned theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in 1943.
The Serenity Prayer goes like this --
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next. Amen.

But did you know the original "Serenity Prayer" was conceived in a little stone cottage in Heath, Massachusetts by Reinhold Niebuhr and, per his daughter, was written like this:

"God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed, Courage
to change the things which should be changed,
And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

The first version I mentioned was Adapted by AA and has since become part of it's fabric.

Well, later that evening as I was drifting off to sleep I had a vision if you will of my spiral notebook being passed around the shelter residents. It didn't have my name on it but it was clear to all of the women that It was Mine, the one I was thinking of naming A Sheltered Life. The next day I asked God if he was prodding me. If this was my life's plan. The Spiral didn't have a name on it though but I clearly SAW it being passed from one group of women to the next, in secret, just like the underground newspaper that Mary Hall and I joked about that evening in the dining room before the crowd of comics joined in on all the jocularity. There's a reason my caseworker happened to have writing paper to give me at our last meeting. She encourages expression in any form. And there is a reason these things are spilling out of me. I know one thing, I'm gonna start painting and drawing again, put the ARTS back into my life. I'm feeling better than I have for a long time and my future and my goals will be reached. And so the blogging began, the tweets ran rampant, the status updates and the posts flew from my head to my hands to the web. Damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead.
But not underground, hell no. Out in the open for me.

I've got a whole stage production in my head about the shelter, all of it taking place in the dining room late at night. I even have the beginnings of the soundtrack in there. One night, I actually drew the 'stage' and started the script of what was actually coming out of the mouths of these women. I am going to take a date and page from my random notes spiral and share how my mind wraps around things.
10/15 @ 5:55pm Observation:
I've noticed that some of these women are control freaks...especially with their boys. Maybe it's transference? Wow, I thought I was bad!! Then there are the girls who traipse behind their Moms, little mini-Me's if you will, dressed like little Barbies right down to the high heels. While they are all skinny, the boys are all fat or the opposite. Then one sibling, usually the sister, takes great joy in annoying the crap out of the brother and EVERYONE else around them just to get attention, negative as it is. This behavior is almost never addressed.

I spend a lot of my time with reading material or drawing paper in an effort to block out the intrusion...yes intrusion for if never addressed or corrected then the term is justified.

Why must you do your hair in the eating area? So f-king gross.

Still the cell phone goes off... still ignoring all calls and all outside problems because there's NO ONE more important than ME right now.

Who picks a fight with a five year old? The mother of a 17 year old involved with a 15 year old, that's who!!

On a positive note...I played pirate with two little boys today and we found treasure ($.30) when we abandoned ship due to yellow jackets. It was so much fun watching them smile and laugh. Thank You God for the children.

My day was so full of sunshine & fun and yet I feel unrested.

Stolen cell phone/birth certificate & ss cards disappear

Note to self: Buy a phone card & buy the center a new phone please. Keep checking into freelance sites: Sunday paper from the Sisters.

Ask about survival guilt.

I wonder->Rules are made to be broken...Rules are made...to be continued.

My mug walks off... on it's own. I guess some
one needed Joy in their life, haha!

Wow, a harvest moon tonight. Que Bonita. sad that I have to tell folks that I need Peace & Quiet time (the book in my face should be a clue)Some alone time would be great. Soon it will be mine but I will have to work hard to get my head on straight.

I feel like an intruder and I'm not doing a very good job "not judging" people. But I have noticed that my findings are pretty spot on so far.

10:52 pm One little flashing red light has sent these women into a panic, even though it's been flashing since lunchtime. Cesspools & septic tanks, aren't the funny for drama!!

Someone stole another phone charger.

The squeeky wheel<->"I guess no one cleaned the dining room today huh?"
The oil<->"Oh, it's been cleaned all day until after snacktime."
The squeeky wheel, who just earlier had left her napkin full of popcorn on the table while her tablemates spilled cup-o-soup all over it, snatches up the napkin, leaves her chair out and then moves to another table and repeats the same table manners.
The oil puts her feet up and writes down the incident and giggles, then continues to read her murder mystery!! :)

"Ear plugs and Eye Mask are a must"
<->
enter center stage in her cute little pink robe that rises up in the back-Way too short and SO INSECURE, always on the phone threatening to kick some Bitches ass "I swear to God" dripping off her tongue every few minutes while the Group gets louder with laughter in the front corner table having a grand time sharing food and snacks.
"I'm an educated woman who graduated high school FOR REAL!!!" and "I'm 22 & He's 37 so he won't get me jealous unless he finds someone better than me."and "Don't be writing stuff about me on facebook please, I'm a grown woman with two kids, FOR REAL, Please!!" and "Exactly, this little girl needs to grow up, Please, FOR REAL, I Swear to God!!" It's hard to believe that such a quiet girl with a big smile is her daughter. She exits "FOR REAL." Then re-enters in less than 45 seconds to continue the He Say She Say conversation with a New friend to knock the friend she spoke to yesterday-whom she thanked for being such a good friend for letting Her vent with her over the phone. Set the stage in dim lights in back and bright lights in the front.

A box of crayons disappears from the dresser top.

T-shirt "I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is"
Ems was here earlier and took HER to the ER because she couldn't breathe. @ 11:55 pm she walks back in with a Dr. Pepper and a smile on her face. Yesterday it was her birthday. Glad she's ok:) Click click what a big shot in the ass You got there but the better to breathe and keep you near My Dear.

"No, you can't have a light because you're gay" said the woman in the wheelchair to the Russian woman in Red, the mother of two with one on the way who's just trying to get back home to Big Mama & eat some lovely collard greens.

finished The Invisible Cord, sad happy

re-entering again "...a retired Vet with a history of domestic violence. He asked me Why aren't you working instead of going to school?" "When the police came, he was so jealous." "I broke the laptop, I broke the TV." "Nobody will believe that I was the cause because I am so beautiful and I have a baby with him." "My Mom said why would he do that to you, bring another woman into your house?" " And he had the nerve to only give me thirty dollars for my baby (She has two children and is pregnant) so I was so shocked." " He left his first wife and he sold everything and left her with three kids..." She exits-the back of the robe swaying and clickety click of the heeled backless slides.
U R A FOOL and this Victor gets the cream.

The Lord has Angels everywhere...they glow you know.

Mann macht und Gott lacht
Yiddish expression->Man makes plans and God laughs.

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero/Seize the day trusting as little as possible in the future

research books on composing a screenplay, this place is gold

end day

I have pages and pages of stuff like that. Random thoughts. Notes jotted down as things happened. The last time I saw the BIRDS we discussed doing Mock-You Dramas of the different 'characters' we came into contact with in the shelter. The place really is pure soap opera gold. It's a shame a reality show can't be shot in a place such as this, man the ratings would go through the roof. Move over Jersey Shore here come The Real Battered Women of San Antonio, available in SAP, lol!!

Of course there is no Dummies Guide, there can't be. Logic, courtesy and respect are the only tools you need in a shelter. Pack the self centered attitudes away. Dust off the common sense and let the rules of right and wrong be your guides. Laziness must die and rolling up the sleeves to dive in and lend a hand move to the front of the class. Go to the programs, classes and support groups and open your ears. It might open your mind. And if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all (just right it down in a spiral notebook, journal or what have you and keep it to yourself then laugh about it later or turn it into a blog or screenplayl). Stand up for the Right things and leave the nasty in the trash. Remember that sharing is caring. And read everything, signs, posters, memos, handouts, rules, guidelines...EVERYTHING. Jot down dates and times, keeping as accurate a record of your schedule as you can, this is important because you won't have technology to rely on all the time. And by all means go outside the shelter as much as possible to get News and World events because it WILL NOT be provided for you in the shelter. If you come to the shelter with a laptop, make sure you tell them it's for school, work or work search related purposes and get a letter of authorization if you can (although there wasn't one at the shelter just like there wasn't a posted or written rule regarding pictures). Guard your things because no one else will and it's not fair to expect them to, it's your stuff so YOU watch it!! Always get a locker and keep medicines of all kind and valuables in it, this is a must. Wash your hands ALOT!!!!!!
Stay away from the Milk and Juice jugs unless you were there when they were opened. Get yourself a cup of your own to use, trust me on that one. And remember that you have to share the bathrooms so try not to leave piss or shit in them, um kay. Be polite, smile as much as possible and Be Grateful for what you have instead of griping about the things you don't. You're in a shelter for cripes sake, Shesh!!! :)

That's it, that's all I have for now. It's Thanksgiving and I feel a need to watch some Doctor Who Classics so I bid you adieu.

A Sheltered Life Chapter 9

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A Sheltered Life Chapter 8

REAPING THE SOWN

November 21, 2011, a Monday. It's raining and humid but for a "homeless" Chick I look and feel pretty good. My younger son is still saying stay here but at the same time saying call your sister. I've not heard back from little brother since my call to him on Sunday. Nor have I received an email reply from little sister from the same day. I also know it's Thanksgiving Vacation for the school districts and they may be traveling early. And since little brother, his wife and family are in the process of moving by the end of the month, I know there's no room in their lives for me right now. As far as the rest of my siblings, one has her own abuser to deal with. Just so you know C, I haven't forgotten about your little fight for control over "my" family while I was "giving my time to the City of San Antonio those seventeen days in March and April of 2005. For the rest of you, I was sitting out my non-moving violations aka letting the insurance lapse on the vehicle because the hubby didn't feel like paying for it that month. Seems to happen a lot, mostly when I'm not working to pay for the finer things in life. Then there's the brother who stores his things at my house since 2005 but has suddenly dropped off the face of the earth since he's found another sucker to rent him a house. And no way I'd ever ever go to the TWINS. Hell no, I have way to much pride and to be honest rather live on the street. Everybody else lives in a different state and well, homeless, jobless, yeah.

While I am at the whole weighing my options table let me also throw in the owning your part chip. I say this just because it's the truth. I allowed myself to be in that twenty seven year hell. I DID. I made up my mind to stick to it, to keep a vow to my soon to be ex-husband and most importantly to God. I know, I don't go to Church. They are man made commercialism ideals that I don' hold to. I do confess to being agnostic to the theist degree as in: a person who claims, with respect ( and sometimes not) to any particular question, that the answer cannot be known for certainty. I'm going to quote a few famous folks to give you the general use of the word. President Obama regarding deficit cuts, just to use it in a sentence. I also want to let all of you know I talk to God everyday, I pray, and I consider myself a Christian. President Barrack Obama stated "The whole point of it is to make sure that all ideas are on the table...So what I want to do is to be completely agnostic, in terms of solutions." Then there's Nokia CEO Jorma Ollila's "Our view has always been technology agnostic." I really like that one. And I will never go back to the house other than to get my things, place them in storage and move on with my life.

So, I chose to wait until the two offspring reached eighteen years old, each. Then I chose again, to stay when my grand baby came into the equation and the household. I self medicated. I went blind. I went deaf. I shut down. I stopped taking care of myself to make myself unattractive to the male species, especially the one i was married to. I gave him leave to find someone new, Please find someone new already. I did these things so that "I" didn't have to hear, feel, deal with my own intimate hell. I, Me, MINE. Do you see it there? I fought back when I had to. I picked at the scabs when I felt particularly annoyed as well. I reeked havoc when necessary. I did these things, Me. I didn't choose to break the vow. I didn't choose to become a single parent with a stalker. I, ME, MINE. I chose not to have a mortgage. I chose to let the new car go back to Ford. I couldn't afford it and the kids at the same time. Besides I had a beef with the way they treat minority women and I STILL have a beef with them about that same subject. By the way, you can glue Lincoln and Mercury all over them there cars, Still a FORD.

What I am owning up to is this, that half the fault is at my feet. I just finally decided to clean up my mess. You can only fix half the problem when there are two people involved. I de-evolved slowly over twenty seven years. Now the twenty eighth year is all mine. So come on legal aide, let's get this divorce started already. Medical check up done. Dental work ongoing. Mental, also ongoing. Employment, don't get me started again over that one, PuhLeeez!! Just see Medical, Dental, Mental first. Hearth and Home, some days there's a roof and some days there's a restaurant. Most days it's the library, where I write and research and network and blog. Homeless with a laptop. Don't laugh because it's becoming a trend. AND where ever there's free WiFi there's hope, a chance to stay connected, to stay sane, social and whole. But that's just my take on it, you can fly your own flags ya' dig me.

Anyway, Monday. I'm finally at the plasma center and my phone rings. It's One of the Naked Birds. Before seven pm., it must be important. The bird sings me a tune about a meeting. Someone's been reading my blogs. Testify and keep telling it on the mountain, lol. Some of the Birds contacts want to know how this all could have happened, especially the blogs naming names. Well, if you mess with an intelligent individual and treat said person unjustly and with a patronizing and condescending state of mind, that said individual tends to go for the throat with words. Guess you never heard that the pen is mightier than the sword huh? Now, one of the Birds is in the hospital and the other is stating that she is going home since her name is already out there so what is the point of hiding. I hope that doesn't come to pass. I chirped my own tune and told this bird to send the Powers that be after me and only me because I wield the pen and I can face the consequences better than they can. I can take as good as I give. Ms. Payne created this mess, I just stepped in it and demanded a shoe replacement is all. But I did feel lower than dirt during this call and my instincts were to throw myself around my friends and take the bullet. So I instruct the bird to turn it all back onto me shoulders and to tell the Powers to come and get me. You can't miss me. Tall. Black. Homeless. Angry. Old. Armed with a pen and a laptop and a very wicked tongue. Sue me if you dare, it would be semantics only at this point and there's no money, no car, no house, no land to take. You can take my time as it's all I have to give.

Then the coin drops and I hear music. Seems that because of the blogging that I've done, that Ms. Payne has been given her walking papers. I state that another ousted Bird probably had all of something to do with that as of Friday, since she had many contacts to back her claims. But the caller insists, is very clear when she states again that the Powers That Be were most definitely referring to the blogs. Wow. Maybe there are others also blogging. I know I found a blog singing Ms. Payne's praises. I reposted it with a rebuttal on facebook. We will just have to see if it's true and Ms. Payne really is on the way out the door.

In the meantime I relay that I ran into two more of the residents at the park and ride. After hugs, one of them informs me that Ms. Payne has decided that she has had two months there and will have a place to stay until December 2, 2011. After that she must leave. Now these two people have never ever hurt anyone. Generous and funny and gentle to a fault. Have a incomes coming in, always doing their chores and neat as pins. But instead of transitional housing, one of them must leave due to the amount of time she's spent there, no other reason that that. Just a "go on now, that's a good girl". Argh, this Payne is in my head. Let me just post verbatim paragraph three of the residential orientation (which a also posted on facebook with photos):

"LENGTH OF STAY There is not a pre-determined length of stay for Shelter clients. When you meet with your caseworker, the two of you will develop anindividualized service plan that will include goals you would like to accoomplish and a plan of action. How long you stay depends on you meeting your goals and moving from this emergency shelter to a permanent place to live."

What it doesn't state is this, that the Residential Director, being the Red Queen that she is, can pick and choose whomever she wants to stay or go without an explanation or a care as to the welfare of the people she toys with.

So you can imagine the ecstasy I feel about hearing that the Payne is about to end. I will force myself not to celebrate prematurely. I will not be happy about this. I will not be happy about this. Oh hell, I will too be happy about this little piece of news. But it's not true yet and may never come to pass. We will just have to wait. The Bird on the phone has to go and we end our call. I'll be damned if I can't stop smiling. I send up a little prayer and float through the rest of the night.

REPERCUSSIONS a definition of:

1. An unintended consequence occurring sometime after an
event or action, especially an unwelcome one.
2. An action or effect given or exerted in return.
3. A reciprocal action or effect.
4. A widespread, indirect or unforeseen effect of an act,
action, or event.
5. An often indirect effect, influence or result that is
produced by an event or action.
6. The recoil of something after impact.

Synonyms: effect, sequel, result, consequence, recoil, rebound,a reflection especially of sound as in an echo or reverberation.

The short version: Reaping what you sow equates to actions having consequences.


Update:
Ran into another resident that I met at the shelter. This woman was with her son and she had been out looking for a job. She too is a lovely person who keeps to herself, does her chores etc.. I was a resident when she arrived. She asked me where I went and I was more than happy to tell her my story.

She then tell me that she has no one in the city to go to and that she has her own story to tell. Her story is about how Ms. Bobbi Payne tells her she will have to leave the shelter because she hasn't been taking her blood pressure medication. I ask her how it is the Payne can make such a statement, I mean how does she know if you are or are not taking said pills?
The lady tells me that she told her caseworker at the shelter that she sometimes doesn't take the pills if her son is with her while she's out and about putting in applications The pills make her feel funny and she wants to stay alert. Oh I so hear Bells going off in my head. I say to this lady that this is a confidential matter discussed at her mandatory weekly meeting with her caseworker at the shelter and should have stayed there in the office. And yet Ms. Payne was given this little tidbit and tried to use it against her. The lady agreed that yes it was said in the office during her meeting. She told me that THAT is what she wanted to know from Ms. Payne. She also said she told Ms. Payne that no one could prove she didn't take her pills. Then she said the her caseworker later relayed to her that the matter had suddenly been dropped. This poor lady feels that the racial discrimination at the shelter by the staff is evident and that the keeping of the walking talking stereotypes while removing the prime examples of being all you can be and doing all you can do & more is evidence in and of itself. I point out that Ms. Payne is not racially discriminate, just egotistically challenged. I give her a few pointers to use at the shelter in regards to mandatory classes, certified classes, transportation ticket tips to use while in search of employment. But mostly I tell her to use the green sheet in her folder to get the most out of the programs offered because clearly her caseworker was not doing all she could for the good of her client (hint cough). This is a competent and smart lady so why shouldn't I help her out. We discussed a few other things as well. We both firmly believe the TCID should patrol the shelter once or twice a year, unannounced. Marsa, meningitis, hand foot mouth and intestinal parasite occurrences along with the rash of nausea & diarrhea in less that two months time and neither one on us witnessed any quarantines and total room cleanings. We also can't understand the cat, cat poop, pregnant women scenario either. Or the fact that some of the residents still insist on feeding these cats out of the shelter dishes. Yuck. And why would the shelter let a woman with no hairnet and Marsa do those dishes. I relayed that if she has any concerns regarding sickness or disease to call TCID from the inside since outside calls from me have gone unheeded and the best I could do is tweet, blog and update statuses on the web. I also showed her where Kabb-TV was located via the bus, just in case she did indeed find herself on the street due to Ms. Bobbi Payne.
She also told me the crazy lady in the wheelchair was gone too. Hmmmm, how interesting since I was just emailing the news about her. She didn't believe in her either, this lady on the bus. That's three strikes against the wheelchair lady from inside the shelter, from people who met her, spoke to her and came away from these encounters and came away with a bad taste in their mouths. That's not to say that she didn't experience what she claims, just that the fear she "tries" to display which involves her husband being the the mafia(still trying to figure that connection out and what it has to do with the reason she ended up at the shelter) comes off as bogus. We say our farewells and i continue on my way to visit a sick friend at the hospital. :)

MY friend a Bird is out of the hospital, I never made it to see her as she was being released. This Bird tells me she got pumped full of antibiotics that the staff told her was a precautionary measure. I hope She remembered her discharge papers.

It's time to stop writing as my back and shoulders are hurting me something fierce (weather and age people).