A Sheltered Life Chapter 8

REAPING THE SOWN

November 21, 2011, a Monday. It's raining and humid but for a "homeless" Chick I look and feel pretty good. My younger son is still saying stay here but at the same time saying call your sister. I've not heard back from little brother since my call to him on Sunday. Nor have I received an email reply from little sister from the same day. I also know it's Thanksgiving Vacation for the school districts and they may be traveling early. And since little brother, his wife and family are in the process of moving by the end of the month, I know there's no room in their lives for me right now. As far as the rest of my siblings, one has her own abuser to deal with. Just so you know C, I haven't forgotten about your little fight for control over "my" family while I was "giving my time to the City of San Antonio those seventeen days in March and April of 2005. For the rest of you, I was sitting out my non-moving violations aka letting the insurance lapse on the vehicle because the hubby didn't feel like paying for it that month. Seems to happen a lot, mostly when I'm not working to pay for the finer things in life. Then there's the brother who stores his things at my house since 2005 but has suddenly dropped off the face of the earth since he's found another sucker to rent him a house. And no way I'd ever ever go to the TWINS. Hell no, I have way to much pride and to be honest rather live on the street. Everybody else lives in a different state and well, homeless, jobless, yeah.

While I am at the whole weighing my options table let me also throw in the owning your part chip. I say this just because it's the truth. I allowed myself to be in that twenty seven year hell. I DID. I made up my mind to stick to it, to keep a vow to my soon to be ex-husband and most importantly to God. I know, I don't go to Church. They are man made commercialism ideals that I don' hold to. I do confess to being agnostic to the theist degree as in: a person who claims, with respect ( and sometimes not) to any particular question, that the answer cannot be known for certainty. I'm going to quote a few famous folks to give you the general use of the word. President Obama regarding deficit cuts, just to use it in a sentence. I also want to let all of you know I talk to God everyday, I pray, and I consider myself a Christian. President Barrack Obama stated "The whole point of it is to make sure that all ideas are on the table...So what I want to do is to be completely agnostic, in terms of solutions." Then there's Nokia CEO Jorma Ollila's "Our view has always been technology agnostic." I really like that one. And I will never go back to the house other than to get my things, place them in storage and move on with my life.

So, I chose to wait until the two offspring reached eighteen years old, each. Then I chose again, to stay when my grand baby came into the equation and the household. I self medicated. I went blind. I went deaf. I shut down. I stopped taking care of myself to make myself unattractive to the male species, especially the one i was married to. I gave him leave to find someone new, Please find someone new already. I did these things so that "I" didn't have to hear, feel, deal with my own intimate hell. I, Me, MINE. Do you see it there? I fought back when I had to. I picked at the scabs when I felt particularly annoyed as well. I reeked havoc when necessary. I did these things, Me. I didn't choose to break the vow. I didn't choose to become a single parent with a stalker. I, ME, MINE. I chose not to have a mortgage. I chose to let the new car go back to Ford. I couldn't afford it and the kids at the same time. Besides I had a beef with the way they treat minority women and I STILL have a beef with them about that same subject. By the way, you can glue Lincoln and Mercury all over them there cars, Still a FORD.

What I am owning up to is this, that half the fault is at my feet. I just finally decided to clean up my mess. You can only fix half the problem when there are two people involved. I de-evolved slowly over twenty seven years. Now the twenty eighth year is all mine. So come on legal aide, let's get this divorce started already. Medical check up done. Dental work ongoing. Mental, also ongoing. Employment, don't get me started again over that one, PuhLeeez!! Just see Medical, Dental, Mental first. Hearth and Home, some days there's a roof and some days there's a restaurant. Most days it's the library, where I write and research and network and blog. Homeless with a laptop. Don't laugh because it's becoming a trend. AND where ever there's free WiFi there's hope, a chance to stay connected, to stay sane, social and whole. But that's just my take on it, you can fly your own flags ya' dig me.

Anyway, Monday. I'm finally at the plasma center and my phone rings. It's One of the Naked Birds. Before seven pm., it must be important. The bird sings me a tune about a meeting. Someone's been reading my blogs. Testify and keep telling it on the mountain, lol. Some of the Birds contacts want to know how this all could have happened, especially the blogs naming names. Well, if you mess with an intelligent individual and treat said person unjustly and with a patronizing and condescending state of mind, that said individual tends to go for the throat with words. Guess you never heard that the pen is mightier than the sword huh? Now, one of the Birds is in the hospital and the other is stating that she is going home since her name is already out there so what is the point of hiding. I hope that doesn't come to pass. I chirped my own tune and told this bird to send the Powers that be after me and only me because I wield the pen and I can face the consequences better than they can. I can take as good as I give. Ms. Payne created this mess, I just stepped in it and demanded a shoe replacement is all. But I did feel lower than dirt during this call and my instincts were to throw myself around my friends and take the bullet. So I instruct the bird to turn it all back onto me shoulders and to tell the Powers to come and get me. You can't miss me. Tall. Black. Homeless. Angry. Old. Armed with a pen and a laptop and a very wicked tongue. Sue me if you dare, it would be semantics only at this point and there's no money, no car, no house, no land to take. You can take my time as it's all I have to give.

Then the coin drops and I hear music. Seems that because of the blogging that I've done, that Ms. Payne has been given her walking papers. I state that another ousted Bird probably had all of something to do with that as of Friday, since she had many contacts to back her claims. But the caller insists, is very clear when she states again that the Powers That Be were most definitely referring to the blogs. Wow. Maybe there are others also blogging. I know I found a blog singing Ms. Payne's praises. I reposted it with a rebuttal on facebook. We will just have to see if it's true and Ms. Payne really is on the way out the door.

In the meantime I relay that I ran into two more of the residents at the park and ride. After hugs, one of them informs me that Ms. Payne has decided that she has had two months there and will have a place to stay until December 2, 2011. After that she must leave. Now these two people have never ever hurt anyone. Generous and funny and gentle to a fault. Have a incomes coming in, always doing their chores and neat as pins. But instead of transitional housing, one of them must leave due to the amount of time she's spent there, no other reason that that. Just a "go on now, that's a good girl". Argh, this Payne is in my head. Let me just post verbatim paragraph three of the residential orientation (which a also posted on facebook with photos):

"LENGTH OF STAY There is not a pre-determined length of stay for Shelter clients. When you meet with your caseworker, the two of you will develop anindividualized service plan that will include goals you would like to accoomplish and a plan of action. How long you stay depends on you meeting your goals and moving from this emergency shelter to a permanent place to live."

What it doesn't state is this, that the Residential Director, being the Red Queen that she is, can pick and choose whomever she wants to stay or go without an explanation or a care as to the welfare of the people she toys with.

So you can imagine the ecstasy I feel about hearing that the Payne is about to end. I will force myself not to celebrate prematurely. I will not be happy about this. I will not be happy about this. Oh hell, I will too be happy about this little piece of news. But it's not true yet and may never come to pass. We will just have to wait. The Bird on the phone has to go and we end our call. I'll be damned if I can't stop smiling. I send up a little prayer and float through the rest of the night.

REPERCUSSIONS a definition of:

1. An unintended consequence occurring sometime after an
event or action, especially an unwelcome one.
2. An action or effect given or exerted in return.
3. A reciprocal action or effect.
4. A widespread, indirect or unforeseen effect of an act,
action, or event.
5. An often indirect effect, influence or result that is
produced by an event or action.
6. The recoil of something after impact.

Synonyms: effect, sequel, result, consequence, recoil, rebound,a reflection especially of sound as in an echo or reverberation.

The short version: Reaping what you sow equates to actions having consequences.


Update:
Ran into another resident that I met at the shelter. This woman was with her son and she had been out looking for a job. She too is a lovely person who keeps to herself, does her chores etc.. I was a resident when she arrived. She asked me where I went and I was more than happy to tell her my story.

She then tell me that she has no one in the city to go to and that she has her own story to tell. Her story is about how Ms. Bobbi Payne tells her she will have to leave the shelter because she hasn't been taking her blood pressure medication. I ask her how it is the Payne can make such a statement, I mean how does she know if you are or are not taking said pills?
The lady tells me that she told her caseworker at the shelter that she sometimes doesn't take the pills if her son is with her while she's out and about putting in applications The pills make her feel funny and she wants to stay alert. Oh I so hear Bells going off in my head. I say to this lady that this is a confidential matter discussed at her mandatory weekly meeting with her caseworker at the shelter and should have stayed there in the office. And yet Ms. Payne was given this little tidbit and tried to use it against her. The lady agreed that yes it was said in the office during her meeting. She told me that THAT is what she wanted to know from Ms. Payne. She also said she told Ms. Payne that no one could prove she didn't take her pills. Then she said the her caseworker later relayed to her that the matter had suddenly been dropped. This poor lady feels that the racial discrimination at the shelter by the staff is evident and that the keeping of the walking talking stereotypes while removing the prime examples of being all you can be and doing all you can do & more is evidence in and of itself. I point out that Ms. Payne is not racially discriminate, just egotistically challenged. I give her a few pointers to use at the shelter in regards to mandatory classes, certified classes, transportation ticket tips to use while in search of employment. But mostly I tell her to use the green sheet in her folder to get the most out of the programs offered because clearly her caseworker was not doing all she could for the good of her client (hint cough). This is a competent and smart lady so why shouldn't I help her out. We discussed a few other things as well. We both firmly believe the TCID should patrol the shelter once or twice a year, unannounced. Marsa, meningitis, hand foot mouth and intestinal parasite occurrences along with the rash of nausea & diarrhea in less that two months time and neither one on us witnessed any quarantines and total room cleanings. We also can't understand the cat, cat poop, pregnant women scenario either. Or the fact that some of the residents still insist on feeding these cats out of the shelter dishes. Yuck. And why would the shelter let a woman with no hairnet and Marsa do those dishes. I relayed that if she has any concerns regarding sickness or disease to call TCID from the inside since outside calls from me have gone unheeded and the best I could do is tweet, blog and update statuses on the web. I also showed her where Kabb-TV was located via the bus, just in case she did indeed find herself on the street due to Ms. Bobbi Payne.
She also told me the crazy lady in the wheelchair was gone too. Hmmmm, how interesting since I was just emailing the news about her. She didn't believe in her either, this lady on the bus. That's three strikes against the wheelchair lady from inside the shelter, from people who met her, spoke to her and came away from these encounters and came away with a bad taste in their mouths. That's not to say that she didn't experience what she claims, just that the fear she "tries" to display which involves her husband being the the mafia(still trying to figure that connection out and what it has to do with the reason she ended up at the shelter) comes off as bogus. We say our farewells and i continue on my way to visit a sick friend at the hospital. :)

MY friend a Bird is out of the hospital, I never made it to see her as she was being released. This Bird tells me she got pumped full of antibiotics that the staff told her was a precautionary measure. I hope She remembered her discharge papers.

It's time to stop writing as my back and shoulders are hurting me something fierce (weather and age people).