A Sheltered Life Chapter Four

THE GRIEVANCE

After several days turn to weeks, three to be exact, I've observed enough to know that something is so totally unbalanced here amongst the staff and the residents. Using the gift of observation, I see the blatant disregard of rules by "the favored"* residents which I feel are first condoned and then perpetually ignored day in and day out by the staff.

In short, the one's who get away with murder. While at 6 feet tall and black, I get stopped and constantly reminded of every fucking rule in this place whether I'm just sitting and minding my own business or heading out the door to destinations within or without of this facility. I can't sit near an open window without either a resident** or a staff member saying "All windows in the laundry room MUST remain closed",(November 4th I signed a form on just that matter by the same staff member who thought it her place to tell me about the laundry room window afore mentioned).
Not, "Hey did you open that window?" with a pause for a person to answer followed by stating the rule that should have been posted way before 10-26-11 (took a pic of that, yeah that's right, I notice just about everything!).

I can't stop by the manager's window to use the phone to tell me that another resident (KIANA) would like to use the phone now please. FUCK YOU BERTHA AND DOUBLE FUCK YOU KIANA!!

*short pudgy non-black women with tiny little boy babies who wear too much makeup and cute shoes.

**nosey people who go upstairs at night to smoke in the laundry room while hanging out of an open window (RUBY)

I can't sleep late one day in this overcrowded facility without "someone" in the room stating that "People should be up already". While the same "someone" takes three hours on a Sunday morning to lockout the suite next door so her 3 kids and her highness herself can leisurely shower and dress to go virtually nowhere. Then wants to get defensive when there's a knock on the door and the suite next door is asking her if one, she could quiet her screaming, singing at the top of her lungs daughters/plural as there are sick infants next door who are trying to sleep after a long and fitfull night and two, if they are going to be done soon as it's been 3 hours since they locked the door and some of the others really need to get in there, if you know what i mean.

Then I get the "sleeping in and being lazy: speech from Sister Christina when I simply state that I had a bit of a lay in due to lack of sleep. Hey, Monday through Friday I get awakened three different times by the "gotta get to school" activities in just my room alone. And don't get me started on the herd of elephants that live upstair above out room who also share the getting ready time slot too!! I can put up with this as I too, until this school year, was one of that crowd. But the same woman's child is constantly on my bed or touching my few possessions even though efforts on the part of the Mom tend to go unheeded. So why should I be conciderate when you clearly are not? Being a happy camper takes work. Digress again do I, yes!

Back to the path I started. If there is an 8pm curfew for all the children to be in their with their Moms' until such time as they fall asleep, then why do I see the same kids in the dining room everynight accompanied by their Moms'? I can only assume two things, well maybe more than two. Either they are or have special needs (ie. Mom's in class and needs to study but doesn' want to keep the roommates awake), such as they work late and this is all the time they have together to eat and talk before entering their rooms and waking all of ther roommates(noticed the catch 22 there did ya;?) OR their kids are ill so instead of keeping them in the rooms, thus confining the noise to a suite, they wander up and down the halls and keep ALL of us awake.

But my personal observation is this, that these same individuals and their kids have been getting away with it because STAFF allows it. Today, I had alarge black woman with severe depression and lupus stop me in the hall. She had tears in her eyes because she was told her manner of dress was unacceptable BUT the same spaghetti strapped shirt was acceptable on the petite hispanic woman, along with the halter tops and the skintight jeans and the leggings, un'kay. This irked the hell out of me, for not once have I heard anyone on staff compliment the woman dressed inappropriately or ask her about her day or if she was okay. But these triffling little women get told how cute they are and asked how their day went and get their kids cooed over. Why must she remind you of her name after months up in here and having such a distinctive voice and stature?

Double standard bullshit is why and alive and well, in full force right here in the shelter. Right now I'm looking at one of the "favored" in the dining room with her strollered baby, warming up "outside" food***, wearing her halter top with the bra straps showing and the skintight jeans, whom on several occasions has been told, heard it myself, just how beautiful they all think she is. The time is 1:08 am and staff has been through here several times. There was a spontaneous birthday party an hour ago for yet another for yet another favored one's child. They just got in before midnight.

***translation-anything that was not provided by the shelter, that was donated to the shelter and shared with all the residents.

Do you know where your children are ladies? Because earlier I saw a picture of your son sitting on his bunk all alone and sobbing, with you nowhere to be found. So when CPS comes knocking because your "friends" eating that cake with you have called them, are you gonna tell them that you are with the Mexican Mafia and threaten to cut their hands off too? So enjoy that new girlfriend now because it's all gonna come down around your ears.

Ive yet to be paged for a phone call. No one on staff comes to find me with important calls from SAPD or PATH. But due to a mistake made by staff you're gonna come and do a bed check for me at 1:45 am even though i've asked you for trashbags, cleaned the dining room solo AND reported to you for the elusive yet exclusive check mark for having completed my household duty and said good evening to you from this very seat my big ass is in right now writing this chapter on the very same evening, and wake up all of my roomates in the process.

Breathe in, breathe out. In. Out.

A call from SAPD...take a message. A call from PATH...take a message. Another memo to remind me to turn in paperwork you already have. Shushing me at the movies. You can't do that. Did you turn in a clothes voucher? Can borrown $20.00? Do you have a car? Can you hold my child? We were looking for you at group, where'd you go? "Hey wait a minute, I need to talk to you" as you walk towards your room to put your laundry away. Do you want to pray with me? Can you believe she ate that whole thing? Do you want me to paint your nails? I almost bought you some hair dye? All of the above was so outweighed by the few individuals, you kinow who you are, who quietly came to me upon my arrival. Who gave me clothing when they noticed that I only had three pairs of pants and even less tops or pairs of socks or undies.

Those angels who cried with me, who bought those two little trinkets I treasure above all others, who make me smile despite the language barrier. Who wants to be reminded of what they fled from , the neediness, the tug of war for your attention? You tell us we're safe from our abusers here and that may be true, if fact I know it's true because I see that every time I go out for my power walks every morning. But to see women cringe because of rumors being spread or threats being made and then being told to write a grievance just seems to underplay what is temed as "DRAMA" here by the staff. To repeatedly tell each of us to avoid the DRAMA is crap too!! It's not going to make it an understatement or make it go away. Good luck catching that pot and pill dealer hidden in with the residents as a resident, they have help but I don't have exact facts so I'll skip over that. I wish you luck keeping you location undisclosed while so many of these women are meeting their abusers right outside the double green doors that are supposed to be keeping the rest of US safe. I can see the sexual predators in this place, why can't you? Okay, that isn't fair to say because The admin here, the Staff IS aware and doing their best to stop it, it's true!! I know that so let's let them do what they do and concentrate on what I see and hear. Eavesdropping via the intercom system is a no no. Male staff members entering rooms without knocking, AT A BATTERED WOMEN AND CHILDREN SHELTER, is a no no. Demanding to see what's in my cell phone is a no no and a violation of my civil rights. Insulting my intelligence with a story about how a woman hear would ever tell a man outside that we saw the missing woman on his poster at the shelter is so condescending. But really, I'm just venting due to an incident on Oct 28th (coming soon). It really bothered me and I had to write it down, had to convince myself that I did not overreact. Then it dawned on me that I've been doing that for years. But digress do I, lol.The one thing I miss the most, the one thing I've yet to figure out is this, because it bugs me and there has to be a reason for it but I can't see the simple logic for it so it irks me: Why no NEWS? I crave news. I live each day checking the weather channel to make sure my widespread family and friend network is okay. I scrounge up change to buy newspapers and then spend most of the time fighting off the other newshounds in here until I'm done reading, clipping and doing the ny times crossword. It was 10-23-2011, a Sunday and three days after the event, that I found out Gadhafi was dead for sure and how and where it all went down. Pertinent Need To Know information that old geezers like myself crave. I also found out that San Antone had a tornado and an earthquake!! I'm just saying that an educated, well rounded individual craves local and worldwide news and doesn't always have the means to obtain it. And with that last statement I say Good Morning to you. :)